Thursday, September 8, 2011

Damn you, hot pies!

As I type this, my delicate tongue still feels the after-effects of the wrath of a tasty but well over-heated pie, which I consumed yesterday afternoon.

Yummy as chicken and mushroom may be as the innards of a pie, their yummyness is severely hampered when said pie is only slightly cooler than the surface of our sun.
To add to my gripe, consider that a pie is something that you would normally buy when in a rush.
This fact places it firmly in the fast food category, hence the word "fast".

Why then, are pies heated to within an inch of global meltdown, prior to being handed over to ravenous rush-hour consumers, who want nothing more than to wolf down a mouthful of fast food, rather than a mouthful of lava...?

Let me now take this even further...
A pie served at a comfortably warm temperature can quite easily be consumed in a non-messy fashion.
Minimal puff pastry bits on the ground, clean-ish hands... you get the idea.

A pie served at a hellish temperature leads to a lot of fumbling, half-biting, cursing, spitting out bits that have already seared the inside of your mouth, blowing on the pie, dropping bits that have now melted the skin off your hands... you get the idea. It's a mess, and it takes time to eat.

So, in conclusion:

- Hot pies burn the mouths and hands of innocent human beings;
- Hot pies are messy;
- Hot pies waste valuable time, because they take time to eat.

Please, pie-makers, serve your tasty treats at a more comfortable temperature!
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